The Darkside Of The Moon...

At this very moment, I am highly annoyed, irritated.

Everyone around me is being nice, wonderful, and supportive, but my mind is dark....

it wants to move to the darkside of the moon, and stay in eternal darkness...

I don't want sunshine nor sunlight, I don't want rainbows or raindrops...

I long for quiet without sounds....

I long for not to hear any kids yelling nor screaming...

I long for no noises, no contacts, with anyone, person, place nor thing....

it is the place that I know it is surreal, yet so real....

it is a place that I want to go, yet know logically, that I can't....

but the darkside of me is asking, begging, pleading....and abetting....

laughters are not contagious to me at this moment....it actually turns me off when I see a smile or hear people laugh...

I hate it when this side takes command and takes over and becomes draconic and then become the despot.

It wants to control me, it wants me to not believe....

it makes everything positive negative.

it wants me to look at the "dark" side of things...

it wants me to be angry at the laughters, it wants me to be pissed off at the smiles...

every tiny little thing annoys me, every nice gesture makes me tired....

every acknowledgement makes me want to back and shy away from answering or acknowledging back...

I want to throw my arms high in the air and say: I give

but my arms can't reach that high due to my neck....

I want to just retire, sleep an eternal sleep....

I don't want attitudes, I don't want "faces".....

I just want to be a selfish SOB that just don't give a damn right now...but I can't....

I want to know that I can come back and read this when I am in a different place and can laugh about it and claim victory over it again....

but I think Nike® is no longer on my side...I am not sure how to find it again....I've run out of resources and I am tired of looking for her....

Teeth are hurting from gritting....the pressure cooker is on it's highest temperature and about to blow....

explosion is inevitable....

where to channel it, where to direct it, where to contain it....

just have to try and try again....and then try again.....

and hope that I can find a rocket big enough that can carry all my angst, and shoot me to the darkside of the moon....